Life as a CFL volunteer…

Connections for Life volunteer Robert Rabagliati

What made you want to get involved with Connections for Life?

During Lockdown and reading Air Mail promoting the need for Connections for Life volunteers to act as telephone contacts for veterans, I felt a calling to fulfil this role. I certainly had time on my hands in retirement, and I also felt that it would give me an opportunity to hold a conversation with someone else outside the home. So, there was an element of self-interest alongside my desire to help someone else. The Air Mail campaign of highlighting loneliness at Christmas was very powerful and compelling, and I was certainly drawn in, knowing that I am comfortable talking on the phone and enjoy meeting new people.

What is the best thing about your Connections for Life volunteering role? 

• There is a real sense of doing something of worth and value for the Association.
• There is an expectation that you are offering valuable support to your Connections for Life beneficiary.
• It is a very enjoyable experience from which I, too, gain enormously from the contact.
• It is particularly interesting learning from an RAF veteran from a different era to my service and discovering the differences as well as the core similarities of wearing the light blue uniform.

How did you find your initial call?

The initial call was the same as making a call to anyone you have never previously met. In this case it was helped by the guidance offered by the RAF Association, stating who you are and why you are calling. This is made easier since the Connections for Life beneficiary is expecting a call from you anyway. Establishing a rapport was straight forward as I had prepared several simple open questions such as:

• Where did you serve?
• What roles did you perform?
• Which aircraft did you fly?
• What was your favourite posting?
• How long did you serve in the RAF?

What I found was that one question invariably prompted many more subsequent questions.

What is your friendship like with your Connections for Life beneficiary from when you first started friendship calls to now? (Do you notice a difference in your Connections for Life beneficiary/have they mentioned how the service and your calls have helped them?

My friendship with my Connections for Life beneficiary has burgeoned and developed very positively over the near two years we have been conversing. Speaking with my beneficiary every fortnight is about the right frequency for a discussion which normally lasts from between 30 and 45 minutes. We have got to know each other well, though I have ensured that most of the conversation has been generated by him. Fortunately, he likes nothing more than reminiscing about his service life, and his civilian career in general. He recounts many interesting stories of life on his Squadron, life in the far flung reaches of the RAF in former times, and his involvement within his local community since he retired. We have certainly built up a solid trust and openness, which we both value greatly. I know too we now consider ourselves to be good friends, and he is always eager to get the next conversation date in the diary.

Finally, do you have any tips to get the most from your calls that you would like to share with other Connections for Life volunteers?

I do have the following top tips, which I have found helpful when acting as a Connections for Life volunteer:

• Try to ask open questions which allow the Connections for Life beneficiary freedom and options to talk and chat willingly. Once you get them started talking about themselves, their careers and lives then gentle prompts and timely interjections by you will keep the conversation flowing.
• I tend to end the conversation by posing a question or presenting a scenario that the beneficiary can consider and prepare a response in the time between telephone calls. One of the benefits is that you have a ready start point for the following telephone conversation.
• Use the good auspices of the RAFA Connections Coordinator to send on to your Connections for Life beneficiary some photos of RAF memorabilia, RAF Items, locations or buildings of mutual interest. Once received by your beneficiary they will provide instant fertile material for discussion.

Although the idea is for the Connections for Life beneficiary to talk about themselves, clearly, they will have an interest in your own RAF experience. The trick is only to feed in information about yourself periodically and in bite size chunks. You shouldn’t allow your natural desire to tell your beneficiary every detail of your own career to dominate your conversations. Remember it is about them and not about you. That said, the whole process of engaging with an RAF veteran is hugely rewarding. Sometimes I just wonder which of the two of us gains most from our friendship.

Finally, there is a responsibility on each Connections for Life volunteer to use his or her listening skills to detect when a beneficiary is beginning to struggle or might need some assistance or at least a helping hand. I would suggest that at the first signs of concern, then the volunteer should hold a conversation with the Connections Coordinator to either alert RAFA of a potential need for your beneficiary, or to get information how to tackle any issues with him or her over the phone.

Volunteering is a continuous learning experience, and every connection and Connections for Life volunteer/beneficiary relationship is different. Moreover, there is no one size fits all solution to any given problem or issue. I hope some of this is helpful.